Mahalo, Hawaiʻi
A hui hou, Hawaiʻi.
Today marks the ending of a chapter in my life I never anticipated would close.
Hawaiʻi has been an obsession of mine since I first learned about it in the second grade. Throughout my whole childhood, it was top of my bucket list of places I wanted to see someday.
I dreamed of becoming a surfer and of living a simple island life in the sun and sea.
At 18, I finally found myself standing in a studio of my own in Kailua, minutes from the ocean, ready to begin creating the life that I had always dreamed of.
Though it has been extremely difficult, I don’t regret a single moment.
Looking back at the pain I struggled through, I can easily see how it always led to something more beautiful and taught me a valuable lesson about myself and life in general.
Hawaiʻi has shaped me into a far better person and taught me so much about others and the world around me.
The people I had the privilege of crossing paths with and growing close to have blessed my life and helped me grow and persist through the worst of times. Shoutout to all of you--you know who you are!
I still don’t fully understand the snapping inside me these past few months in which Hawaiʻi, the place where I felt like I finally found belonging and that I loved so deeply, no longer felt like home.
Though I love Hawaiʻi with every fiber of my being and all the genuine friends I’ve found here, I know I need to follow a calling for a new adventure.
It has not been an easy decision to make in any way.
I have established a pretty idyllic life out here: one of surfing, art, a creative day-job with lovely people, and nothing to tie me down. One of complete creativity, beauty, and freedom.
I cannot be more grateful for everything I have been given and everything I have experienced here.
I don’t know what I could’ve done to deserve so much beauty and privilege in this life.
I’m stoked for something completely new and different, but I’m also scared to death.
There’s always that question of “am I making the right decision?”
“Why on earth would I leave something so beautiful and (now) familiar for the unknown?”
I’ve asked myself this so many times and been kept awake at night reeling about everything it entails and everything I’m leaving behind.
It’s really freakin’ scary, and honestly also really heartbreaking.
But one of the many things I’ve learned to do while living out here has been to really listen to my heart and trust my gut.
To not ignore those nagging feelings that won’t leave you alone no matter how many great waves you catch and how much freakin damn good apple bananas you consume. They’re there for a reason, and they’re trying to tell you something.
To have faith that it’ll work out, just maybe not in the way you thought.
Mahalo, Hawaiʻi, for everything you taught me, everything you gave me, and everything you shaped me into.
Mahalo to the sea and the ‘aina, which held me when nobody else could.
Mahalo for being my sanctuary and my refuge. For humbling me and for teaching me to be present, to let things go, and accept things as they are. For making me stop and appreciate the jaw-dropping quiet beauty of the world around me.
Mahalo surfing,
for getting me out of my head, whipping me into the best shape of my life, and connecting me to lovely people.
Mahalo art,
for always grounding me, keeping my soul alive, and helping me process emotions and experiences too difficult for words.
Mahalo music,
for making me feel seen, heard, and less alone. For helping me get through the worst of times and appreciate the best of times. For connecting me to lifelong friends.
And above all, mahalo to the beautiful people who showed me support, love, and encouragement that I have never known before.
Mahalo to the coworkers who became close friends.
I could not have gotten through work, let alone my personal life without y’all.
Mahalo to the positive and supportive surfer gals who made every surf session a million times better and for always encouraging me
Mahalo to those who broke my heart…
for making me stronger and realize what I deserve, what I want, and to find love within myself.
Mahalo to the strangers who showed me kindness and acceptance without knowing me at all.
Mahalo, Hawaiʻi.
a hui hou
This next year of my life is going to be pretty busy and a total shift from what I’ve been doing the past 3ish years.
As such, I will be putting a pause on my art business and will be pretty inactive on my art account on Instagram.
If you want to keep up with me, follow my personal Instagram @ellajeland and subscribe to my email list (link in bio!).
I also post pretty regularly on VSCO (@ella-eland) so if you got that, I’d check that out more often.
