If you had asked me at any point throughout my childhood what I wanted my future to look like, my response would have been a very far cry from what it has shaped to be.

My answer now is so radically different from what I used to strive for, it’s almost humorous.

An overachiever and perfectionist, I was set on going to a prestigious art school (namely RISD) and becoming a massively successful artist of some sort who lived in a spacious mansion by a beach somewhere with my dog. I would be very wealthy with a private jet or something.

Like a lot of people, I measured success by how many achievements I accumulated and how much money I earned.

Growing up, people would often tell me that I could “be a famous artist one day.” Though fame didn’t really appeal to me that much--and still doesn’t--I subconsciously took their compliments to heart and began to believe that I *should* work to achieve fame and fortune through my art.
I thought that if I didn’t, I would let myself and everyone who believed in me down.
If I wasn’t well-known and wealthy, I would be a failure.

However, after the quarantine era of COVID, I began to rethink what I wanted in life and what defined “success.” I began to assess what made me feel fulfilled and realize what didn’t.

During that time, I spent most of my days listening to podcasts and audiobooks about badass people and characters who explored and took risks that led them to experience the most exciting and life-altering things.

Many of them were “successful” in totally unconventional ways that had little to do with fame and fortune.

These stories and interviews unlocked my imagination and inspired me to dream big. I began to think about what I truly wanted and what my heart longed for, not about what I felt like people expected me to do.

I felt like I wasn’t truly living and didn’t have any stories of my own to tell.

I wanted to travel, to meet new people and hear about their lives. To set my eyes on unfathomable views and eat food I’d never heard of.
I wanted to *live.*

I realized that I really didn’t care for material things or awards.

I didn’t need a fancy overpriced college education to simply create art and experience new places and people.

I just wanted to be happy.

What made me happy was, in simplest terms: art, the ocean, my family, and animals (specifically my dog).

This realization became even clearer to me when I got a summer job working at a smoothie joint. Though it was often exhausting and stressful, I truly enjoyed working there. I loved creating with a different medium--food--and seeing the excited faces of customers when I handed them their order. I felt accomplished after each shift.

I realized that who cared what my job title was if I enjoyed the work I was doing?

The lofty vision I had of myself, one of a hefty job that came with a massive boujee house on a private beach, began to fade away completely.

All I wanted was to create and be free. To be by the sea, a place where I felt like I actually belonged.

I didn’t need a “big girl” corporate job--just something I enjoyed that would get me by and offer me freedom.

Something that I could leave behind after I clocked out so I could focus on things that filled me up.

Entering senior year of high school, I completely erased the elaborate high-minded future plan I had subscribed myself to since the 6th grade. I took steps that would allow me to graduate a semester early and get on with my life.

I didn’t fill out a single college application.

Instead, I applied for a gap-semester program in the place I had dreamed about since I first learned about its existence: Hawaii.

There, I would live nomadically with a group of people I had never met, volunteer with local organizations, and learn about Hawaiian culture.

Never in a million years would I have thought I’d ever do something like that:

the girl who couldn’t last 2 hours on a school overnight field trip without crying, the girl with extreme social anxiety who barely left the comfort of her bedroom, the girl who believed all her life that she had to go to a hotsy-totsy college for art and make it big in order to be worthy.

But the desire for adventure and change and the pursuit of happiness far outweighed any fears.

I can’t think of a single negative thing that came out of this choice.

I don’t think I had ever felt so inexplicably and truly happy until I found myself living out of a duffel bag and spending each day digging in the dirt or wading through muddy loko iʻa (fishponds)--a very far cry from the cushy mansion life I thought I wanted.

This experience even further revealed to me what truly brought me fulfillment.

What truly mattered.

For me, that was living simply, purposefully, and caring for people and the planet.

Returning to my hometown with a new perspective on life and my heart still on the shores of Hawaii, I knew I had to go back and pursue a life of simplicity, creativity, and time in nature (oh, and surfing of course).

A life with a focus on finding fulfillment in the little things and giving back to the community and natural environment.

The upcoming series of essays and illustrations will share the numerous unexpected experiences and the lessons I learned from them as I set off to pursue my dreams.

I hope that by sharing the trials and triumphs and the lessons I’ve learned through it all, you can feel less alone in what you may be going through and feel inspired to follow your heart and pursue your own dreams.

Because if I can do it, you sure as hell can.

Get ready for “Surf Lessons.”

The Catalyst.

If you had asked me at any point throughout my childhood what I wanted my future to look like, my response would have been a very far cry from what it has shaped to be.

Like a lot of people, I measured success by how many achievements I accumulated and how much money I earned.

However, after the quarantine era of COVID, I began to rethink what I wanted in life and what defined “success.” I began to assess what made me feel fulfilled and realize what didn’t.

I felt like I wasn’t truly living and didn’t have any stories of my own to tell.

I wanted to live.

I just wanted to be happy.

All I wanted was to create and be free. To be by the sea, a place where I felt like I actually belonged.

I didn’t fill out a single college application.

But the desire for adventure and change and the pursuit of happiness far outweighed any fears.

I can’t think of a single negative thing that came out of this choice.

This experience even further revealed to me what truly brought me fulfillment.

What truly mattered.

So I did.

The Catalyst.

If you had asked me at any point throughout my childhood what I wanted my future to look like, my response would have been a very far cry from what it has shaped to be.

Like a lot of people, I measured success by how many achievements I accumulated and how much money I earned.

However, after the quarantine era of COVID, I began to rethink what I wanted in life and what defined “success.” I began to assess what made me feel fulfilled and realize what didn’t.

I felt like I wasn’t truly living and didn’t have any stories of my own to tell.

I wanted to live.

I just wanted to be happy.

All I wanted was to create and be free. To be by the sea, a place where I felt like I actually belonged.

I didn’t fill out a single college application.

But the desire for adventure and change and the pursuit of happiness far outweighed any fears.

I can’t think of a single negative thing that came out of this choice.

This experience even further revealed to me what truly brought me fulfillment.

What truly mattered.

So I did.

Mahalo, Hawaiʻi