What I’ve Learned to Accept…
These past few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind (and eye-opener) for me.
I went back to my hometown of Breckenridge, CO to spend time with my family and closest friends.
In the past, returning back to Colorado was more bitter than sweet. The only thing that called me back was being with my wonderful family. Other than that, I felt no love or desire for the place.
Although I grew up in an absolutely stunning mountain town and was incredibly privileged for it, I never felt like I belonged there.
I never got into skiing or snowboarding or hockey or mountain biking or rock climbing etc.
I felt like a complete “other.” All. The. Time.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved the ocean and been fascinated with island lifestyle and surf culture.
Which tbh is quite odd because I only got to go to a beach on the Jersey shore like 3 times in my childhood before high school.
So eager to escape to the sea, I graduated high school early and popped off to Hawai’i for three months on a gap semester program, where I learned about Hawaiian culture, volunteered around the islands, and explored their other-wordly beauty.
Two months after returning to Breck, I moved out to Kailua, HI and have been there ever since.
I found my place, a place where I feel like I belong and that makes me feel alive.
However, recently returning back to Colorado reminded me of my roots.
It opened up a part of me that I didn’t think existed--a sense of pride of where I came from and a feeling of belonging I never felt when I was growing up there. I realized that though I felt true belonging and acceptance in Hawai’i, Colorado would always be there for me too. It is a part of me and helped shape me into who I am, even if I so often rejected it.
Reminded of the golden childhood memories of running wild in the woods with my brothers and sister, of my mom reading stories around a campfire carefully tended to by my dad, of creating perilous sledding tracks and playing out in the snow, of golden aspens in the fall and walking our dogs in the quiet mornings…
I finally felt a love for the place that I had been so desperate to leave behind.
I have rejected and squashed that part of me for so long, too haunted by the depression and loneliness I felt there throughout middle school and high school. I wanted to forget it all.
But something I have learned these past few years is acceptance.
Accepting and embracing every part of yourself.
Accepting and embracing the painful times, and moving forward.
Finally accepting where I came from and appreciating how it is a part of who I am and my story has been freeing.
The pain and anger and bitterness I’ve felt for years has shifted into a sense of pride and gratitude. I’m proud of where I came from. I’m grateful, so grateful, for the crunchy life in the mountains I had the privilege of living.
Despite it not being “my place,” it has still shaped me into the person I am today.
This little ramble is all to encourage you to accept and embrace every piece of yourself.
To move on and let past bitterness go. To not hold grudges against places and things that have made you into the beautiful unique person you are.
Find your happy place, but thank the places that you’ve left behind.
Every experience you’ve had is woven into the fabric of you.
You can’t erase them, so accept them and move on!
As always, thank you for being here.
Remember that every piece of you makes you beautiful!
Until next time,
